Creating a Fictional Killer…

Who? What? When? Where? Why? These must be answered in creating a fictional killer.

Who… did they kill? Your killer is going to have to have to kill someone, no matter how much you like the victim.

What… happened? This is the main question your readers and characters will be trying to figure out most the book, hopefully at least you know… I mean really someone has to know ahead of time.

When… did the murder take place? Late into the night when only the crazy people are out? Or maybe the middle of the day while her husband was at work, or was it… “A dark and stormy night…”

Where… did it happen? Where did the murder occur? In a toy store, in a brothel or maybe in a shower, everyone loves a good shower scene.

And Why… Why did this person have to die? Was it for a lame reason like the killer wanted her pencil back, vengeance for a unforgiveable crime that had gone unpunished, or just pure madness.

With these questions answered, now rub your hands together maniacally and say “Mwah haa haa… Mwah hahaha”

Professional Procrastinator

It’s time to start a new writing project or maybe go back to an old one… either way it’s time to start writing again.
Ok, get ready… get set.. wait I really should clean the refrigerator out, something smells really bad in there.
Ok, let’s try again…get ready… get set…wait wait…I need to do my tax return.
Hmm… ready… set… oh yeah gotta clip the dogs toe nails.
Oh and I really should clean out my garage… you know spring is coming and I need to find that badminton set.
Ok, now I’m really ready… wait there is something else I was supposed to do…
what was that…

New Love

Sending out Query letters is a lot like the excitement of a new love.

You send out query letters with a mixture of hope, giddiness and doubt. You spend time trying to make it as perfect as possible, then you get to a point and quickly hit the send button before you change your mind.
Then you refuse to admit to anyone but you obsessively check your email. Is there a response yet? How about now? How about now? Hope fills your heart, “this could be the one!”

Then it appears! The response to your query. You pause before you open it, hopeful and excited but prepared for the worse.
Then the standard letter begins and you feel your heart sink. You tell yourself, “it’s not me, it’s them.” But you’re not really convinced. You stare at the email another moment and then file it away. With a big sigh you pick your ego off the floor and start researching who will be the next.

For every rejection letter received, send out another query. For every hope dashed a new hope is created.

Internal Critique vs. The Failing Novelist (Round 1)

Failing Novelist:I keep working at my writing and it’s getting better

Internal Critique: Uh…if you say so

Failing Novelist:One day I will get published, I just need to keep hacking away at it

Internal Critique:Don’t give up your day job

Failing Novelist:Hey, that chapter turned out pretty good

Internal Critique:It sucks, you sucks, just give up

Failing Novelist: Keep it down I’m trying to write.

Definition of a “Query Letter”

A few short paragraphs to explain in perfect detail, the novel that you have put your heart and soul into for months, years and maybe even decades.

A one page letter in which all your hopes and dreams are crammed into just a few short paragraphs. 

A one page letter that you will spend countless hours creating and torturing yourself over every single word, in hopes of getting it absolutely perfect.

A letter that, odds are, you will receive a standard rejection letter for. 

A rejection letter that was probably written in under five minutes.

The Huldufólk Are Coming…

My husband is half Icelandic and there is a folktale about the Huldufólk. There are many versions of this folktale but his family’s version goes something like this…

At the start of a new year, you must clear the clutter from your home.
If you don’t… then the Huldufólk will come for you.
They will tie you to the bed and steal your stuff.

Sounds like a good reason to me to get de-cluttered and organized, starting with my very un-organized writing files.
Was this the last version of that short story or is this one?
Where did that article go on the 12 points of a hero’s journey?
Why am I still holding on to this ten year old first draft of the worst novel ever written?

But I expect the first victim will be my son. He may have his XBOX stolen from Icelandic Elves soon if he doesn’t pick up his room.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hulduf%C3%B3lk

Psst…wanna hear a secret?

Do you wanna know my biggest fear?  My biggest scariest fear?

It’s to find out that I’m not meant to be a writer., but instead,  meant to do my “day job”.

I’m meant to be…(gasp) an accountant.  NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!

12 Step Program for Writer’s

(Borrowed and tweaked from A.A. 12 step program)

Writing is a constant process, not one that you finish after the 12th step.

Step 1 – Admit you are powerless over your need to write and that your life will become unmanageable if you do not write.

Step 2 – Come to believe that a power greater than yourself drives you to write.

Step 3 – Make a decision to turn your will over to the desire to write.

Step 4 – Make a searching and fearless inventory of what keeps you from writing.

Step 5 – Admitted to yourselves that you are a writer therefore, you must write.

Step 6 – Accept your good and bad traits of being a writer.

Step 7 – Accept your shortcomings as a writer and strive to improve in those areas.

Step 8 – Make a list of all people you have annoyed with all our talk of writing.

Step 9  – Apologize to those people you have annoyed, especially the friends and family members that support you in your writing.

Step 10 – Continue to watch your writing habits and patterns and continue to strive to be a better writer.

Step 11 – Continue to strive towards your goals as a writer.

Step 12 – Whether you write once a day or once a month, remember you are a writer, heart and soul.

The writer’s 12 step program has helped many writers face their annoying writing habits and have helped them to “shut up already” and write.

I’ve read it, read it, not read it, read it…

It is a sad state of affairs when you go to the book store, walk over to the “how to write a book” reference section and discover you have read most of the books in the section.

Can you guess one of my favorite forms of procrastination?

If Only I Had…

If only I had a pen with good smooth movement, I would write my novel faster.

If only I had a fancy notebook, I would create more novel ideas and scenes.

If only I have a one of those tiny laptops, I would carry it in my bag and work on my novel when ever the mood struck me.

If only I had a writing area, a creative space all my own , I would be inspired and the novel would just flow out with ease.

If only I had enough money to get rid of my day job, I would work on my novel non-stop and finish it at last.

If only I won the lottery…

Until then… I have a hotel pen, a half used notebook my kids didn’t need, a laptop that crashes, a kitchen table with sticky spots and a few minutes to write after the work day is done and the kids are in bed.

“If I only I had…”

But the truth is I already have everything I need, including the relentless drive to write.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll buy a lottery ticket…just for good measure.