12 Step Program for Writer’s

(Borrowed and tweaked from A.A. 12 step program)

Writing is a constant process, not one that you finish after the 12th step.

Step 1 – Admit you are powerless over your need to write and that your life will become unmanageable if you do not write.

Step 2 – Come to believe that a power greater than yourself drives you to write.

Step 3 – Make a decision to turn your will over to the desire to write.

Step 4 – Make a searching and fearless inventory of what keeps you from writing.

Step 5 – Admitted to yourselves that you are a writer therefore, you must write.

Step 6 – Accept your good and bad traits of being a writer.

Step 7 – Accept your shortcomings as a writer and strive to improve in those areas.

Step 8 – Make a list of all people you have annoyed with all our talk of writing.

Step 9  – Apologize to those people you have annoyed, especially the friends and family members that support you in your writing.

Step 10 – Continue to watch your writing habits and patterns and continue to strive to be a better writer.

Step 11 – Continue to strive towards your goals as a writer.

Step 12 – Whether you write once a day or once a month, remember you are a writer, heart and soul.

The writer’s 12 step program has helped many writers face their annoying writing habits and have helped them to “shut up already” and write.

I’ve read it, read it, not read it, read it…

It is a sad state of affairs when you go to the book store, walk over to the “how to write a book” reference section and discover you have read most of the books in the section.

Can you guess one of my favorite forms of procrastination?

If Only I Had…

If only I had a pen with good smooth movement, I would write my novel faster.

If only I had a fancy notebook, I would create more novel ideas and scenes.

If only I have a one of those tiny laptops, I would carry it in my bag and work on my novel when ever the mood struck me.

If only I had a writing area, a creative space all my own , I would be inspired and the novel would just flow out with ease.

If only I had enough money to get rid of my day job, I would work on my novel non-stop and finish it at last.

If only I won the lottery…

Until then… I have a hotel pen, a half used notebook my kids didn’t need, a laptop that crashes, a kitchen table with sticky spots and a few minutes to write after the work day is done and the kids are in bed.

“If I only I had…”

But the truth is I already have everything I need, including the relentless drive to write.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll buy a lottery ticket…just for good measure.

Moving at the Speed of Snail

Writing is easy once I get going.  I can sit down and spit out five pages of a rough draft scene in nothing flat…super sonic speed even…

And then it happens…I slam smack into the editing wall of death.

Tweak a little here, tweak a little there, fix a description here, correct a  character flaw there.  How much can you spend editing a scene or chapter?  Hours, days, lifetimes….it’s never finished. NEVER!

12 Steps to a Hero’s Journey

12 Steps of a Hero’s Journey – A basic formula for movies and novels, created by Joseph Campbell.

I re-worded it for my fun and enjoyment.

1. Our poor unsuspecting character is living his life, minding his own business, unaware that a writer is about to put him through some really awful crap.

2. This is where the fun begins, our poor unsuspecting character gets forced out of his boring little life and thrown out on to the street. (metaphorically speaking)

3. But our poor guy likes his life and he puts up fight to keep everything as it was.  Even if his life sucks, it’s still his life and he doesn’t like being messed with.

4. He meets someone smarter than him that convinces him that this new adventure is better than his boring crappy life.

5. Character now either agrees or gets shoved into the adventure anyway, because it’s going to happen whether he likes it or not. After all, no ones wants to read an entire novel about a guy who sits around and does nothing.

6. Things start to happen now and the character gets drug through the mud, getting hit with challenges left and right. He is getting beaten up but he starts to feel like he knows what he is doing. The character now see the “big test” in front of him and he prepares for it.

7. Character finds people to help him, as everyone needs a little help.

8. Now that we are about half way through the story, our character must face his greatest challenge. (Ha, like he will get off that easy.)

9. The character and his allies win the big battle!  (Yippee, let’s celebrate.)

10. Now he feels he has his happily ever after and he starts to head home.  (Not so fast my naïve character, you’re not getting off that easy.)

11. But just when he thinks he has won, he is hit the face with the real battle, facing his greatest fear.  He must face it and he will because the writer is going to make him.  This is where our character is truly changed as a person and will never be the same.

12. The hero has now survived all the horrible catastrophes that the writer could think of and heads home to bask in the glow of his “Happily Ever After”.

The End.

It’s All About Me

So many of the “How to write a novel” books contain a warning label, “as an inexperienced and newby novelist, what ever you do…NEVER EVER EVER write a novel in first person.  Then the books drone on and on describing the insurmountable difficulties that will come with this viewpoint.

With this wisdom, every novel attempt of mine has been in third person.  Writing the life and experiences of this complete stranger, trying to care how she takes her coffee or how she is insecure because her dog doesn’t love her.

But in the end, I feel nothing for this flat uninteresting character.

Ok, so there, I admit it…I am a narcissist!

I’m self absorbed and only care about my point of view! So with this, I will attempt the unthinkable first person and then maybe just maybe my writing will go from suckish to “hey that’s not completely awful.”

And maybe when I’m done, I’ll switch it to third person to protect the innocent.

Family Disfunctions, oops I mean Family Functions

Are you Dragging your feet about going to the next dreaded family function?  Not me, I am a huge fan of family functions.  The only problem I have is that I can’t sit with an open notebook and take notes the whole time.

Family functions are a great resource in discovering new and exciting characters, endless character traits and mannerisms.  Next time you have to go a wedding, family reunion or yet another summer barbeque, just grab yourself a lemonade and start taking mental notes.  All you have to do is open your eyes and it’s like a writer’s Wonderland!!!

– The moody cousin who never leaves the corner and you can never get more than a one word answer out of when trying to have a conversation with , will become the beaten down tiny dog that the villain carries around all day under his arm

– The uncle that drank too much…AGAIN and insists on being a close talker, will become the annoying boss that your character has to work around to get anything done

– The grandma that insists on reliving all of your embarrassing moments from your childhood,  drop a decade or two and you have a nagging best friend that knows your character inside and out and doesn’t let them get away with anything

– The older aunt that insists on kissing you on the lips every chance she gets , will be a creepy co-worker that insists on cornering your character on numerous occasions but never seems to get the message “Sorry you’re not my type”

And mannerisms….oh boy….if you open your eyes and really look, I mean really look…

It’s amazing what you will discover about your relatives.  The pot smoking cousin that constantly licks her lips, the aunt that hum’s when she eats, the second cousin that laughs after everything he says, the taller uncle that lurches forward when he walks and always has a joke to tell or the aunt that has undisciplined kids and a permanent look of disgust that never leaves her face.  Endless writing possibilities I tell you, I get giddy just thinking about my next family function.

But you worry that your family will find out.  They will recognize themselves and they will be furious and never forgive you.  But let me ask you this;

1.  Do you really think your cousin is going to say, “Hey that really horrible drug addict character in your book is that me?”

2.  And as much as you think your family loves you, do you really they will read your book?  Even if some of your family members say “Oh I can’t wait to read your book.”  It soon becomes,  “Oh, sorry I haven’t gotten a chance, but I’m going to I promise.”

So when your mom and maybe some of your closest friends read your novel or short story, and if they recognize a character, I’m sure they will laugh and say, yeah Aunt Joan does have a habit of sticking her finger in her ear and then smelling it.

I myself love using family members as characters.  I love putting those “made up” characters in all sorts of horrible, challenging and awkward situations.

You know what I call that?  I call it THERAPY.

Joe Vs. the Volcano

Joe vs. the Volcano

It’s Monday morning and as I prepare myself for another creative stifling week at my “Day Job”, I remember a 90’s movie Joe Vs. the Volcano.  The actors included Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, so it be would assumed the movie must be decent, but instead shockingly falls under “I can’t believe I wasted a portion of my life watching this.”

What brings this movie to mind is one of the first scenes of the  movie, when it shows Tom Hanks’s character Joe arriving to his dreary day job in no window office with draining deadening fluorescent lights and industrial grey office furniture.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLDMqPBeKQ

I admit my day job is “not that bad”, but as I sit under fluorescent lights in my tiny cube working on an endless task list, I do take a moment to image my perfect writing life.

Why Did You Stop?

–          You’ve stopped again.  You stopped writing  mid-scene and you haven’t moved forward, not even a sentence in over two weeks.

–          Well… I’m stuck.

–          Stuck?  You know exactly what is supposed to be written in this scene, how are you stuck?

–          I don’t know…I’m just stuck.

–          How hard is it?  Stand up,  walk over to your computer, it’s already turned on and everything, sit in front of it and just start typing.  Type just a page, a paragraph, even just a sentence.

–          No… I don’t want to.

–          UGH!  Why, what is the problem?

–          I don’t know…I’m just stuck.

–          Fine!  Be stuck, but I know you’ll be back.  You’re a writer and you can’t fight the “need to write” for long.