It’s time to start a new writing project or maybe go back to an old one… either way it’s time to start writing again.
Ok, get ready… get set.. wait I really should clean the refrigerator out, something smells really bad in there.
Ok, let’s try again…get ready… get set…wait wait…I need to do my tax return.
Hmm… ready… set… oh yeah gotta clip the dogs toe nails.
Oh and I really should clean out my garage… you know spring is coming and I need to find that badminton set.
Ok, now I’m really ready… wait there is something else I was supposed to do…
what was that…
Tag Archives: evil mastermind
Dear John Letter
Dear Nanowrimo (http://nanowrimo.org),
You came into my life and put a smile on my face at a time in my life when all I could see was blank pages.
You have given me a confidence I never thought I would have.
For the reasons above, I find it very difficult to do this. I think we need to spend some time apart.
This does not mean that I do not care about you. We have had a good run of it you and I.
The past eight years have not gone to waste.
It’s not you, it’s me.
I just don’t need you this year.
Love always,
The Failing Novelist
PS. Maybe next year we can get together, if the timing is right.
If Only I Had…
If only I had a pen with good smooth movement, I would write my novel faster.
If only I had a fancy notebook, I would create more novel ideas and scenes.
If only I have a one of those tiny laptops, I would carry it in my bag and work on my novel when ever the mood struck me.
If only I had a writing area, a creative space all my own , I would be inspired and the novel would just flow out with ease.
If only I had enough money to get rid of my day job, I would work on my novel non-stop and finish it at last.
If only I won the lottery…
Until then… I have a hotel pen, a half used notebook my kids didn’t need, a laptop that crashes, a kitchen table with sticky spots and a few minutes to write after the work day is done and the kids are in bed.
“If I only I had…”
But the truth is I already have everything I need, including the relentless drive to write.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll buy a lottery ticket…just for good measure.
Spousal Abuse
Carolyn See wrote a book on writing called, “Making the literary life”.
Chapter one…”Keep it to yourself”. She goes on to explain, as much as your friends and family love you, they really don’t want to hear all about the great American novel you intend to write, the plot of this book, the fascinating characters you have created and the torments of being a writer.
I would just like to say, “Where were you 10 years ago Ms. See, when I had the great idea to write a novel?” It’s too late now!
I have been torturing my friends, family and especially my poor spouse for years and years now. I have drug my family through the tortures of 5 incomplete novel, several unenthusiastic attempts at article writing and countless attempts at writing different genres that crashed and burned in the early stages.
I can see the wear and tear on all the people that are exposed to my writing dreams day in and day out. When I swear this is the year, I get a smile, a pat on the shoulders and a, “Yes, I bet you will finish this year for sure.” But behind the weak smile I see it, the thought of, “Yes good gracious finish a novel already, because I can’t take another year of talking about a book I’ll never get to read and hearing all about the lives of made up characters that have nothing to do with me.
So yes Ms. See, your book is a little late to the party, where were you when I had this hair brain scheme to be a writer..hmmm?
Happily Naked After
Romance Novel Outline – Attempt #2 (Erotica)
-Girl is not looking for love
-Girl bumps into man on street and immediately does not like him
-Boy likes her and begins to pursues her relentlessly
-He is creepy but girl overlooks since he is good looking
-Boy finds way of trapping her in his arms
-She looks deep into his eyes…it is love at first sight
–umm…then some stuff happens. (blush)
-Girl really likes boy
-How many ways can you describe a body part?
-Not sure how to describe that?
-Oh, I can’t say that… (giggle, giggle)
–No way am I going to say that!
What if my mother were to read this?
Oh my goodness… Let’s just burn this one.
No One Writes Love Letters Anymore
Carolyn See’s fabulous book “Making a Literary Life”, discusses the joy of writing a letter to someone you admire. I like the idea of this and I picture myself sitting in an old style writing desk picking up a pen to share my praise.
Ummm….huh…let’s see here. There have been so many books I have enjoyed and so many writers I like. Which one should I write to first? As I hold the pen in ready position, my hand begins to cramp. Maybe email would be better. I pull out my laptop and turn it on….waiting…waiting. Ok, ready I open a new email and stare at the empty page.
Well I need to do some research to find someone to write to. I begin an intensive search looking for a author who is worthy of the time it will take to write this letter. Oh, this author has a nice website.
I should start my own author website for when I become a published writer. I wonder what I should include in it. I pull out of piece of paper and start mapping out what my website would look like and what I would include. I start searching for website templates, formats and hosting options.
My husband sticks his head around the corner, how is your author letter coming along? I look at the web page up on my computer “How to build a website” and sigh.
I click back to the email page that stands there empty and alone. I begin my search again for an author and pause as I try to think of the name of that writer that wrote that book about that “thing” and that “place”, what was it called again. In attempt to figure out the name of the book I end up on a website discussing the history of Indiana. I start thinking of a new novel idea using a character from Indiana.
I stop myself half way through the plotting of a whole new novel, shake my head and go back to the empty email. I stare at it. My mind is as blank as the page. It was then I realized procrastination as abducted me once again!
I close the empty email page and open up my novel. With a heavy sigh, I begin writing the next scene.
Family Disfunctions, oops I mean Family Functions
Are you Dragging your feet about going to the next dreaded family function? Not me, I am a huge fan of family functions. The only problem I have is that I can’t sit with an open notebook and take notes the whole time.
Family functions are a great resource in discovering new and exciting characters, endless character traits and mannerisms. Next time you have to go a wedding, family reunion or yet another summer barbeque, just grab yourself a lemonade and start taking mental notes. All you have to do is open your eyes and it’s like a writer’s Wonderland!!!
– The moody cousin who never leaves the corner and you can never get more than a one word answer out of when trying to have a conversation with , will become the beaten down tiny dog that the villain carries around all day under his arm
– The uncle that drank too much…AGAIN and insists on being a close talker, will become the annoying boss that your character has to work around to get anything done
– The grandma that insists on reliving all of your embarrassing moments from your childhood, drop a decade or two and you have a nagging best friend that knows your character inside and out and doesn’t let them get away with anything
– The older aunt that insists on kissing you on the lips every chance she gets , will be a creepy co-worker that insists on cornering your character on numerous occasions but never seems to get the message “Sorry you’re not my type”
And mannerisms….oh boy….if you open your eyes and really look, I mean really look…
It’s amazing what you will discover about your relatives. The pot smoking cousin that constantly licks her lips, the aunt that hum’s when she eats, the second cousin that laughs after everything he says, the taller uncle that lurches forward when he walks and always has a joke to tell or the aunt that has undisciplined kids and a permanent look of disgust that never leaves her face. Endless writing possibilities I tell you, I get giddy just thinking about my next family function.
But you worry that your family will find out. They will recognize themselves and they will be furious and never forgive you. But let me ask you this;
1. Do you really think your cousin is going to say, “Hey that really horrible drug addict character in your book is that me?”
2. And as much as you think your family loves you, do you really they will read your book? Even if some of your family members say “Oh I can’t wait to read your book.” It soon becomes, “Oh, sorry I haven’t gotten a chance, but I’m going to I promise.”
So when your mom and maybe some of your closest friends read your novel or short story, and if they recognize a character, I’m sure they will laugh and say, yeah Aunt Joan does have a habit of sticking her finger in her ear and then smelling it.
I myself love using family members as characters. I love putting those “made up” characters in all sorts of horrible, challenging and awkward situations.
You know what I call that? I call it THERAPY.
What kind of girl do you think I am?
In my current novel my female villain is about to be introduced into the story, but there is a dilemma.
I have no idea who she is. In my mind she is standing there with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot with a very frustrated look on her face. But the rest of her features keep morphing and changing while she looks at me with impatience.
Blond to brunette, skinny to plump, tall to petite, fit to fatigued. My female villain throws her arms up in the air in disgust, “Make up your mind already.”
But it’s difficult to commit (there goes those commitment issues again) after all, I will be spending a lot of time with her over what could be a year or more. This unknown villainess and I going to put my main character through some very hard times and I just want to make sure she is the right one for the job.
What I do know is this…I know exactly what horrible things my villain is going to do. I have master plan of destruction and mayhem all mapped out.
She is still standing there tapping her foot at me.
The question isn’t what “is” she going to do, it’s “how” is she going to do it. Is she deceptively sweet or just plan up front and evil? Does she swear in every sentence or hide behind soothing sweet words? Does she smile or just cross her arms and stare at people like their an idiot. What kind of villain is she and is she the right one for the job?
I close my eyes and picture her again…she is still tapping her foot and rolling her eyes at me.
Nanowrimo Throwup
I have been a member of Nanowrimo since 2007. (http://www.nanowrimo.org) I have participated in the November event every year since and have even been successful in the monstrous goal of 50,000 words in 30 days,five of the eight years.
I am a HUGE fan of Nanowrimo!
Every October I start thinking about what project I could work on during the Nano-riffic event. I put whatever current project I’m working on aside and come up with a new and improved writing project. Characters, plots catastrophes start floating through my head. I feel like an evil mastermind, rubbing my hands together…this will be the best book idea ever.
November comes and I take off running! The thrill of the speed and the goals push me forward. Quantity has never been an issue for me. I can throw up 1,667 words a day and not even break a sweat.
First week is great and it feels easy to keep up. Then second week hits and life begins to interrupt my stride. I start to miss a day here and a day there. But I know I can catch up on the weekend.
It’s around November 15th, I slam smack into the wall. My plot completely falls through and I am overwhelmed with the feeling of this is by far the dumbest idea I have ever had.
This is the point of failure for me on the years I was not Nano successful. The inner critic beat me down and then did a jig on my head while I lay there moaning about how my writing sucks.
But then there are the years I am successful and I punch the inner critic in the face and trudge through the mud to the finish line. YES…I’m a winner! The winner of 50,000+ words of pure writer throw up.
This is where the real work begins. Where I have to rummage through all the puke and decide whether to flush it all down the toilet or dig out a few good chunks.
This is where I am now, rummaging around with a few good chunks attempting to create a novel that is a step above colorful vomit.