Family Disfunctions, oops I mean Family Functions

Are you Dragging your feet about going to the next dreaded family function?  Not me, I am a huge fan of family functions.  The only problem I have is that I can’t sit with an open notebook and take notes the whole time.

Family functions are a great resource in discovering new and exciting characters, endless character traits and mannerisms.  Next time you have to go a wedding, family reunion or yet another summer barbeque, just grab yourself a lemonade and start taking mental notes.  All you have to do is open your eyes and it’s like a writer’s Wonderland!!!

– The moody cousin who never leaves the corner and you can never get more than a one word answer out of when trying to have a conversation with , will become the beaten down tiny dog that the villain carries around all day under his arm

– The uncle that drank too much…AGAIN and insists on being a close talker, will become the annoying boss that your character has to work around to get anything done

– The grandma that insists on reliving all of your embarrassing moments from your childhood,  drop a decade or two and you have a nagging best friend that knows your character inside and out and doesn’t let them get away with anything

– The older aunt that insists on kissing you on the lips every chance she gets , will be a creepy co-worker that insists on cornering your character on numerous occasions but never seems to get the message “Sorry you’re not my type”

And mannerisms….oh boy….if you open your eyes and really look, I mean really look…

It’s amazing what you will discover about your relatives.  The pot smoking cousin that constantly licks her lips, the aunt that hum’s when she eats, the second cousin that laughs after everything he says, the taller uncle that lurches forward when he walks and always has a joke to tell or the aunt that has undisciplined kids and a permanent look of disgust that never leaves her face.  Endless writing possibilities I tell you, I get giddy just thinking about my next family function.

But you worry that your family will find out.  They will recognize themselves and they will be furious and never forgive you.  But let me ask you this;

1.  Do you really think your cousin is going to say, “Hey that really horrible drug addict character in your book is that me?”

2.  And as much as you think your family loves you, do you really they will read your book?  Even if some of your family members say “Oh I can’t wait to read your book.”  It soon becomes,  “Oh, sorry I haven’t gotten a chance, but I’m going to I promise.”

So when your mom and maybe some of your closest friends read your novel or short story, and if they recognize a character, I’m sure they will laugh and say, yeah Aunt Joan does have a habit of sticking her finger in her ear and then smelling it.

I myself love using family members as characters.  I love putting those “made up” characters in all sorts of horrible, challenging and awkward situations.

You know what I call that?  I call it THERAPY.

What kind of girl do you think I am?

In my current novel my female villain is about to be introduced into the story, but there is a dilemma.

I have no idea who she is. In my mind she is standing there with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot with a very frustrated look on her face. But the rest of her features keep morphing and changing while she looks at me with impatience.

Blond to brunette, skinny to plump, tall to petite, fit to fatigued. My female villain throws her arms up in the air in disgust, “Make up your mind already.”

But it’s difficult to commit (there goes those commitment issues again) after all, I will be spending a lot of time with her over what could be a year or more. This unknown villainess and I going to put my main character through some very hard times and I just want to make sure she is the right one for the job.

What I do know is this…I know exactly what horrible things my villain is going to do. I have master plan of destruction and mayhem all mapped out.

She is still standing there tapping her foot at me.

The question isn’t what “is” she going to do, it’s “how” is she going to do it. Is she deceptively sweet or just plan up front and evil? Does she swear in every sentence or hide behind soothing sweet words? Does she smile or just cross her arms and stare at people like their an idiot. What kind of villain is she and is she the right one for the job?

I close my eyes and picture her again…she is still tapping her foot and rolling her eyes at me.