Writing is easy once I get going. I can sit down and spit out five pages of a rough draft scene in nothing flat…super sonic speed even…
And then it happens…I slam smack into the editing wall of death.
Tweak a little here, tweak a little there, fix a description here, correct a character flaw there. How much can you spend editing a scene or chapter? Hours, days, lifetimes….it’s never finished. NEVER!
Carolyn See wrote a book on writing called, “Making the literary life”.
Chapter one…”Keep it to yourself”. She goes on to explain, as much as your friends and family love you, they really don’t want to hear all about the great American novel you intend to write, the plot of this book, the fascinating characters you have created and the torments of being a writer.
I would just like to say, “Where were you 10 years ago Ms. See, when I had the great idea to write a novel?” It’s too late now!
I have been torturing my friends, family and especially my poor spouse for years and years now. I have drug my family through the tortures of 5 incomplete novel, several unenthusiastic attempts at article writing and countless attempts at writing different genres that crashed and burned in the early stages.
I can see the wear and tear on all the people that are exposed to my writing dreams day in and day out. When I swear this is the year, I get a smile, a pat on the shoulders and a, “Yes, I bet you will finish this year for sure.” But behind the weak smile I see it, the thought of, “Yes good gracious finish a novel already, because I can’t take another year of talking about a book I’ll never get to read and hearing all about the lives of made up characters that have nothing to do with me.
So yes Ms. See, your book is a little late to the party, where were you when I had this hair brain scheme to be a writer..hmmm?
12 Steps of a Hero’s Journey – A basic formula for movies and novels, created by Joseph Campbell.
I re-worded it for my fun and enjoyment.
1. Our poor unsuspecting character is living his life, minding his own business, unaware that a writer is about to put him through some really awful crap.
2. This is where the fun begins, our poor unsuspecting character gets forced out of his boring little life and thrown out on to the street. (metaphorically speaking)
3. But our poor guy likes his life and he puts up fight to keep everything as it was. Even if his life sucks, it’s still his life and he doesn’t like being messed with.
4. He meets someone smarter than him that convinces him that this new adventure is better than his boring crappy life.
5. Character now either agrees or gets shoved into the adventure anyway, because it’s going to happen whether he likes it or not. After all, no ones wants to read an entire novel about a guy who sits around and does nothing.
6. Things start to happen now and the character gets drug through the mud, getting hit with challenges left and right. He is getting beaten up but he starts to feel like he knows what he is doing. The character now see the “big test” in front of him and he prepares for it.
7. Character finds people to help him, as everyone needs a little help.
8. Now that we are about half way through the story, our character must face his greatest challenge. (Ha, like he will get off that easy.)
9. The character and his allies win the big battle! (Yippee, let’s celebrate.)
10. Now he feels he has his happily ever after and he starts to head home. (Not so fast my naïve character, you’re not getting off that easy.)
11. But just when he thinks he has won, he is hit the face with the real battle, facing his greatest fear. He must face it and he will because the writer is going to make him. This is where our character is truly changed as a person and will never be the same.
12. The hero has now survived all the horrible catastrophes that the writer could think of and heads home to bask in the glow of his “Happily Ever After”.
The End.
Romance Novel Outline – Attempt #1
Let me see, it should go something like this…
-Girl is looking for love
-Girls is walking down the street one sunny day, trips and accidentally falls into the arms of a tall, dark and handsome stranger on the street
-She thinks he is a totally hottie and thinks this must be love at first sight
-They go on a few dates and she thinks he is perfect… despite his extensive criminal record
-Time passes and they live happily ever after
-Until… one day she dies in a freak lawn mower accident and he tells police, he has no idea what happened.
Hmmm…maybe I should back to my other novel.
Carolyn See’s fabulous book “Making a Literary Life”, discusses the joy of writing a letter to someone you admire. I like the idea of this and I picture myself sitting in an old style writing desk picking up a pen to share my praise.
Ummm….huh…let’s see here. There have been so many books I have enjoyed and so many writers I like. Which one should I write to first? As I hold the pen in ready position, my hand begins to cramp. Maybe email would be better. I pull out my laptop and turn it on….waiting…waiting. Ok, ready I open a new email and stare at the empty page.
Well I need to do some research to find someone to write to. I begin an intensive search looking for a author who is worthy of the time it will take to write this letter. Oh, this author has a nice website.
I should start my own author website for when I become a published writer. I wonder what I should include in it. I pull out of piece of paper and start mapping out what my website would look like and what I would include. I start searching for website templates, formats and hosting options.
My husband sticks his head around the corner, how is your author letter coming along? I look at the web page up on my computer “How to build a website” and sigh.
I click back to the email page that stands there empty and alone. I begin my search again for an author and pause as I try to think of the name of that writer that wrote that book about that “thing” and that “place”, what was it called again. In attempt to figure out the name of the book I end up on a website discussing the history of Indiana. I start thinking of a new novel idea using a character from Indiana.
I stop myself half way through the plotting of a whole new novel, shake my head and go back to the empty email. I stare at it. My mind is as blank as the page. It was then I realized procrastination as abducted me once again!
I close the empty email page and open up my novel. With a heavy sigh, I begin writing the next scene.
Joe vs. the Volcano
It’s Monday morning and as I prepare myself for another creative stifling week at my “Day Job”, I remember a 90’s movie Joe Vs. the Volcano. The actors included Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, so it be would assumed the movie must be decent, but instead shockingly falls under “I can’t believe I wasted a portion of my life watching this.”
What brings this movie to mind is one of the first scenes of the movie, when it shows Tom Hanks’s character Joe arriving to his dreary day job in no window office with draining deadening fluorescent lights and industrial grey office furniture. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLDMqPBeKQ
I admit my day job is “not that bad”, but as I sit under fluorescent lights in my tiny cube working on an endless task list, I do take a moment to image my perfect writing life.
– You’ve stopped again. You stopped writing mid-scene and you haven’t moved forward, not even a sentence in over two weeks.
– Well… I’m stuck.
– Stuck? You know exactly what is supposed to be written in this scene, how are you stuck?
– I don’t know…I’m just stuck.
– How hard is it? Stand up, walk over to your computer, it’s already turned on and everything, sit in front of it and just start typing. Type just a page, a paragraph, even just a sentence.
– No… I don’t want to.
– UGH! Why, what is the problem?
– I don’t know…I’m just stuck.
– Fine! Be stuck, but I know you’ll be back. You’re a writer and you can’t fight the “need to write” for long.
Step one: Stand in front of a mirror. Any mirror will do.
Step two: Look at yourself. Be serious now, quit making that face.
Step three: Ok now REALLY look at yourself. Leave your hair alone it looks fine.
Step four: Say to your reflection, “I am a writer.”
Step five: Stop laughing
Step six: No really, stop laughing
Step seven: Say it again, but this time say it like you mean it, “I AM A WRITER.”
Step eight: Really it’s not that funny, stop laughing
Step nine: Try to remember which book you got this exercise in so you can throw it away.
In my current novel my female villain is about to be introduced into the story, but there is a dilemma.
I have no idea who she is. In my mind she is standing there with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot with a very frustrated look on her face. But the rest of her features keep morphing and changing while she looks at me with impatience.
Blond to brunette, skinny to plump, tall to petite, fit to fatigued. My female villain throws her arms up in the air in disgust, “Make up your mind already.”
But it’s difficult to commit (there goes those commitment issues again) after all, I will be spending a lot of time with her over what could be a year or more. This unknown villainess and I going to put my main character through some very hard times and I just want to make sure she is the right one for the job.
What I do know is this…I know exactly what horrible things my villain is going to do. I have master plan of destruction and mayhem all mapped out.
She is still standing there tapping her foot at me.
The question isn’t what “is” she going to do, it’s “how” is she going to do it. Is she deceptively sweet or just plan up front and evil? Does she swear in every sentence or hide behind soothing sweet words? Does she smile or just cross her arms and stare at people like their an idiot. What kind of villain is she and is she the right one for the job?
I close my eyes and picture her again…she is still tapping her foot and rolling her eyes at me.
“A guy walks into a bar; he had a conversation with a strange woman and then left the bar.”
This is one of the reasons my writing lingers at the novice level. Description, description, description….
Description and those pesky five senses will be the death of me.
What did the bar look like; sports bar, dive bar, strip bar? What did the bar smell like; stale cigarettes, aged vomit, high school locker room? Was the beer flat and the peanuts stale? Was it loud with crowds or quiet and empty? Did the jukebox play love songs or a thump’en dance mix? Were the bar stools hard and leather booths comfortable?
Details that make the reader feel they are in the bar, not outside peering through a cloudy window, the ability to weave the perfect amount of description without being cliché or droning on page after page over every little speck of boring detail.
A perfect balance of detail is the goal and every day I write to achieve that goal.
The Failing Novelist 