Internal Critique vs. The Failing Novelist (Round 1)

Failing Novelist:I keep working at my writing and it’s getting better

Internal Critique: Uh…if you say so

Failing Novelist:One day I will get published, I just need to keep hacking away at it

Internal Critique:Don’t give up your day job

Failing Novelist:Hey, that chapter turned out pretty good

Internal Critique:It sucks, you sucks, just give up

Failing Novelist: Keep it down I’m trying to write.

Burps, Boogers and Farts

Things I’m learning while writing a boy chapter book:

  1. It is not as easy as it looks
  2. According to my 11 year old son, “Mom” life lessons cannot be included
  3. Locate sense of humor (it’s around here somewhere)
  4. Make a list of kid sayings, helps if one lives with you.  Take good notes
    1. “booger leakage” – when you have a runny nose that doesn’t stop even when you try to suck it back up
  5. Practice burping and farting and think about how it can be applied to the story
  6. If you are not having fun writing it… odds are the reader won’t have fun reading it
  7. Write things that make you laugh like a kid
  8. Practice burping and farting again… just for fun

New Year’s Resolution

It’s that time of year again.
A time of new beginnings, new hopes, new dreams and new goals.

What will be my goals for the year…
Exercise more?
Eat healthier?
Do better at keeping the house clean and tidy?

As much as I enjoy getting up at 5:15am every morning to start my day with torturous exercise and a unsatisfying piece of fruit, it will be the writing goals that will extract me from my warm bed each morning.

I am still working on the writing goals I am willing to admit to and commit to paper, but I do know one thing for sure… This is going to be a great year!

Psst…wanna hear a secret?

Do you wanna know my biggest fear?  My biggest scariest fear?

It’s to find out that I’m not meant to be a writer., but instead,  meant to do my “day job”.

I’m meant to be…(gasp) an accountant.  NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!

12 Step Program for Writer’s

(Borrowed and tweaked from A.A. 12 step program)

Writing is a constant process, not one that you finish after the 12th step.

Step 1 – Admit you are powerless over your need to write and that your life will become unmanageable if you do not write.

Step 2 – Come to believe that a power greater than yourself drives you to write.

Step 3 – Make a decision to turn your will over to the desire to write.

Step 4 – Make a searching and fearless inventory of what keeps you from writing.

Step 5 – Admitted to yourselves that you are a writer therefore, you must write.

Step 6 – Accept your good and bad traits of being a writer.

Step 7 – Accept your shortcomings as a writer and strive to improve in those areas.

Step 8 – Make a list of all people you have annoyed with all our talk of writing.

Step 9  – Apologize to those people you have annoyed, especially the friends and family members that support you in your writing.

Step 10 – Continue to watch your writing habits and patterns and continue to strive to be a better writer.

Step 11 – Continue to strive towards your goals as a writer.

Step 12 – Whether you write once a day or once a month, remember you are a writer, heart and soul.

The writer’s 12 step program has helped many writers face their annoying writing habits and have helped them to “shut up already” and write.

Happily Naked After

Romance Novel Outline – Attempt #2 (Erotica)

-Girl is not looking for love

-Girl bumps into man on street and immediately does not like him

-Boy likes her and begins to pursues her relentlessly

-He is creepy but girl overlooks since he is good looking

-Boy finds way of trapping her in his arms

-She looks deep into his eyes…it is love at first sight

umm…then some stuff happens. (blush)

-Girl really likes boy

-How many ways can you describe a body part?

-Not sure how to describe that?

 -Oh, I can’t say that… (giggle, giggle)

No way am I going to say that! 

 What if my mother were to read this?

Oh my goodness… Let’s just burn this one.

Habit Forming

According to books on creating a habit (I believe “7 habits of highly effective people” is one of the them), a habit is created in 21 days, if done every day.

So to create a writing habit I should write every day, whether it’s 1,000 words added to my novel, morning pages (as mentioned in the book-“The Artist’s Way”) or a  blog post and if I do it every day it will become a habit.

It should be easy, right? (hahaha…ok… hahahah… wait…hahahaha)

I mean it’s not like trying to develop a habit of exercising or eating healthy after all!

Writing is something I love to do, it should be super easy, right?

Joe Vs. the Volcano

Joe vs. the Volcano

It’s Monday morning and as I prepare myself for another creative stifling week at my “Day Job”, I remember a 90’s movie Joe Vs. the Volcano.  The actors included Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, so it be would assumed the movie must be decent, but instead shockingly falls under “I can’t believe I wasted a portion of my life watching this.”

What brings this movie to mind is one of the first scenes of the  movie, when it shows Tom Hanks’s character Joe arriving to his dreary day job in no window office with draining deadening fluorescent lights and industrial grey office furniture.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLDMqPBeKQ

I admit my day job is “not that bad”, but as I sit under fluorescent lights in my tiny cube working on an endless task list, I do take a moment to image my perfect writing life.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Step one:  Stand in front of a mirror.  Any mirror will do.

Step two:  Look at yourself.  Be serious now, quit making that face.

Step three:  Ok now REALLY look at yourself.  Leave your hair alone it looks fine.

Step four:  Say to your reflection, “I am a writer.”

Step five:  Stop laughing

Step six: No really, stop laughing

Step seven: Say it again, but this time say it like you mean it, “I AM A WRITER.”

Step eight: Really it’s not that funny, stop laughing

Step nine: Try to remember which book you got this exercise in so you can throw it away.