Nanowrimo Throwup

I have been a member of Nanowrimo since 2007. (http://www.nanowrimo.org)   I have participated in the November event every year since and have even been successful in the monstrous goal of 50,000 words in 30 days,five of the eight years.

I am a HUGE fan of Nanowrimo!

Every October I start thinking about what project I could work on during the Nano-riffic event. I put whatever current project I’m working on aside and come up with a new and improved writing project.  Characters, plots catastrophes start floating through my head.  I feel like an evil mastermind, rubbing my hands together…this will be the best book idea ever.

November comes and I take off running! The thrill of the speed and the goals push me forward.  Quantity has never been an issue for me.  I can throw up 1,667 words a day and not even break a sweat.

First week is great and it feels easy to keep up.  Then second week hits and life begins to interrupt my stride.  I start to miss a day here and a day there.   But I know I can catch up on the weekend.

It’s around November 15th, I slam smack into the wall.  My plot completely falls through and I am overwhelmed with the feeling of this is by far the dumbest idea I have ever had.

This is the point of failure for me on the years I was not Nano successful.  The inner critic beat me down and then did a jig on my head while I lay there moaning about how my writing sucks.

But then there are the years I am successful and I punch the inner critic in the face and trudge through the mud to the finish line.  YES…I’m a winner!  The winner of 50,000+ words of pure writer throw up.

This is where the real work begins.  Where I have to rummage through all the puke and decide whether to flush it all down the toilet or dig out a few good chunks.

This is where I am now, rummaging around with a few good chunks attempting to create a novel that is a step above colorful vomit.

Yes, I Have Commitment Issues

My name is Nicolle and I have severe commitmentitis.

It’s true..  I admit it…  I have commitment issues.

They say on average it takes ten years to write your first novel. I am in this VERY LARGE group of writers that dream of the finished novel, but I have sailed over the ten year mark and have no novel to speak of. Each year I spout, “This is the year I am going to finish my novel”  My friends and family smile kindly each time and provide positive support, but I see the look in their eyes, I see into their doubting souls.  And then things come up, life goes on and another year passes me by.

I can commit to my marriage, to my children and even my day job with ease and grace, but when it comes to making a commitment to myself…crash and burn.

Committing to “me” is my biggest challenge.  Committing to my novel.

A novel that has morphed, changed, revised, been tossed away, reorganized , forgotten and started again.  Nothing ever finished.  Nothing but a pile of unfinished, uncommitted effort. (big sigh)

But the writer in me is never satisfied, always that little voice gnawing at me and pushing me forward.

I have been a writer for a lifetime, but I WILL BE A NOVELIST.